Guilty Feelings
by saraqueens
Summary: Not very good with summaries, so quick description. This story is about Rick and Beth. I haven't seen a lot of stories about them so I decided to make one myself. This will be slow burn and it will start at the prision. Obviously. I want them to be friends before jumping into bed. I want to develop the characters a little. Mostly AU, but with some parts will follow the show. Enjoy.


Chapter 1

This was our home now. I still couldn't believe that we had found a safe place. After so many months of just wondering around, we finally had a safe place where we could just regroup and build a life for each other. It had taken some work and we were still working on it, but it was feeling more like home every day. Rick had made possible for all of us to make it this far and he had to change a lot and do a lot of things he regretted to make all of these possible.

I looked at my father laying on the bed, he was so still, but I wasn't scared anymore he was fine and out danger, well as out of danger as you could be living in the zombie apocalypse. His breathing was steady and he didn't have as much pain anymore, things were looking up. I still couldn't believe that his foot was gone, but I still had to be thankful that he was alive and again all thanks to Rick. He had acted fast and thanks to him my dad was alive. He had also killed the prisoners; well all of them except for two. I knew that decision waited heavily on him, even if he pretended he was fine.

I could see it in the way his shoulders were slumped all the time, like he carried the entire weight of the world on them, and in a way I guess he did. He was responsible for the entire group and we didn't even thank him. We had all treated him with suspicion and fear. He had killed his best friend, but in a way Shane had pushed him to that point. He had tried to kill Rick first and all just because he was jealous and wanted his family.

I made sure my dad was still sleep and walked out of the cell and out of the cellblock. I could see Daryl, Glenn and Maggie out on the yard, they were moving cars around and making sure things were ready so they could start plating. T-Dog was on the guard tower keeping watch. Lori and Carl were sitting on the bleachers starting out at the others.

I looked around and saw Rick standing on the bridge. He was looking out towards the other people, but I could tell that he wasn't really seeing anything, he was lost in his thoughts. I looked back at Lori and frowned. Couldn't she see how much her treatment was hurting her husband? I could understand that her pregnancy hormones were throwing her emotions out of whack, but she couldn't blame Rick for all the bad things happening in her life. From the way I saw it she was the most to blame, she was the one that had no idea who her baby's father was. At least Rick was willing to recognize the child as his, even if he wasn't sure.

After looking at all of them for a moment I walked slowly toward Rick, and made sure he could hear me getting closer, I didn't want him to shoot me by accident. I stopped next to him, almost close enough that our shoulders were touching, but still giving him his space.

"You ok?" I wanted to smile, of course that would be his first question, wondering what I needed. Nobody really got close to him anymore unless they needed something, except for Carl and Daryl "Is your dad Ok?"

"He is fine" I saw his nod from the corner of my eye. This was as good time as any "Thank you"

"For what?" he seemed surprised that I would thank him for anything "you already thanked me for what I did for your dad"

"I wasn't thanking you for that" I looked at him and waited until he was looking at me before smiling "I was thanking you for all the stuff you have done for us, and for all you still do to keep us safe and alive"

"You don't have to thank me for that"

"Yes, I do. You could have left us to fend for ourselves, just taken your wife and son and leave. You don't have any obligations with us, but you still make sure that we are all safe and have what we need" his eyes were wide and I couldn't really blame him. I think that was the most I had said to him since we had meet "I don't think I could do the things you do, or make all the decisions you have"

"You shouldn't have to" he looked out and I could see his attention was on Lori and Carl "I have made very sucky decisions"

"No you haven't. You did what you had to do to keep us all alive" he looked at me startled again and I had to swallow my laugh before he thought I was making fun of him "You are not a hard cold killer and the blame for the people you have killed is not on you. They were the ones that pushed to that point. Shane tried to kill you and you had to defend yourself, and that prisoner threw a walker at you and threaten all of us. You were just doing what you have always done and make sure that we are safe. You need to stop blaming yourself for their actions"

"I don't-"

"Yes you do" I raised an eyebrow daring him to contradict me "Every time something goes wrong you are always blaming yourself and looking for a way you could have done things differently, but what you don't seem to understand is that the world changed, people are not use what they used to be. Well I think that they are what they used to be, but now they don't have society to control them so they can get away with whatever they want. You can't blame yourself for other people's actions. You are not God"

By the time I was done with my speech his mouth was hanging open and he looked at me like he had never seen me before. I turned around and walked away before he could think of anything to say. My job here was done, I just needed to make him see that not everybody blame him for the things he had done. That not everybody was scared of him.

I felt a lot better now, so I went to help my sisters and the others. Finally everything was looking brighter. We had a safe place, somewhere we could make a home and be happy. A little piece of world almost untouched by the ugliness. Most important we were a family and we were all alive, at times like this that was something to celebrate.


End file.
